Dear God, help me..

OMFG!!!!!!! Been dying to post about this all day, but been busy doing family stuff.

On Saturday night, I went out on a date with B. He took me to a cute little place in Vredehoek (forgotten the name) as it was close to his flat. Had a very nice pasta and wayyyy too much red wine because the next day my head felt like it was gonna explode.. my bod just doesn’t like red wine, but I love it. Drama!

But anywayz, once I was happily juiced up, we went back to his place to shag. I’d given myself a Hollywood the day before so my vag was as bare as a newborn baby (boys fucken love that) and was wearing my lucky hot pink La Senza thong… (you like?)
pink-thong …Within seconds of seeing my hairless vag, the oke went wild. He threw me onto his bed, spread my legs and ate my pussy like a drunken student ravishing a Steers burger at 3am! God, it was sooo good. Got sooo juiced up, you couldn’t tell if it was me dripping everywhere or his spit..

Next, he pushed my legs up over my head and shoved his cock in me. Hard! Boy was thrusting like a maniac, pummeling me, nailing me, fucking me like his life depended on it.. and then, something terrible happened.. just as I started to feel like I was going to come, he let out this EXPLOSIVE FART!!!!!!!

OhhhhhmmmmyyyyyGoooooddd!!!!!

Now I’ve had boys fart in the bedroom before. It’s hideous, but it happens. Even me, I’ve been known to let out the odd fanny fart after a serious fuck session.. But this was something else.. within seconds I was engulfed in the most DISGUSTING fucking smell you can imagine. It was so bad it could’ve stripped the paint off the walls. It smelled like a rotting dead animal that had been left in the sun for ten long days!!!!

Fuck me!

And the boy just laughed it off and continued to shag me while I just lay there in disbelief, trying to hold my breath so I wouldn’t throw up all over myself.

MIIIIFFFFFFFF!

The mo he was done, I got up, shimmied back into my dress and fed him some bullshit about how I had to get home early to let my flatmate in… and he was all like, Okay, cool, so I’ll call you tomorrow, I was like ja, cheers… and got the FUCK outta there.

He’s left two voicemails on my cell today, but I haven’t bothered to read them. I don’t think I will ever be able to get over that smell and associate him with anything other than that like EVER! Even as I type, I feel like it could still be sitting in my hair. Ewwww, ewwww, ewwwww~

So yeah, it looks like another one has bitten the dust… Fuck.

Laterz,

x0×0x0

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7 Comments

  1. Ron
    Posted February 7, 2011 at 9:17 am | Permalink

    ewwwnnhhh

    unfortunately I also have one of those noses that are liked to emotions…Bad Smells = BAD memories…..even if the sex is good!!!! ( and is does not matter where the smell comes from…)

  2. Hans Hammer
    Posted February 7, 2011 at 10:49 am | Permalink

    Epic Fail

  3. ss
    Posted February 7, 2011 at 10:58 am | Permalink

    Maybe it was something he ate? :)

    • Meg
      Posted February 8, 2011 at 8:23 am | Permalink

      You mean something he ravished?

  4. Toxic
    Posted February 7, 2011 at 3:14 pm | Permalink

    Just to let you know – that La Senza thong is actually baby pink.

    Just cos of that you not gonna talk to the guy again.
    Then again, is kinda rare for you to shag a guy twice!

    • Minki
      Posted February 7, 2011 at 5:46 pm | Permalink

      It is hot pink, you just can’t see the lumo detailing in the snap. And no, if it’s not right I move on. When you’ve got an ass like mine you can afford to be picky. Heeeeee!

  5. Andrew
    Posted February 8, 2011 at 11:18 pm | Permalink

    *tears* That is indeed a fail of the most epic variety…

    Putting two and two togehter though, seeing as he was a gym type boy, chances are he is overindulging on the protein side of things, which does lead to some vile, incredidbly noxious fumes being emitted. He just needs to tone down the protein intake and it’ll go away… Not that you care! ;-)

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