OH MY FUCKING GOD!
Over the weekend, I found out that a total whore bag as of now ex-friend of mine has been fucking one of my ex boyfriends!!!!!
She was all like ‘but YOU dumped him, Minx.. i didn’t think you’d care..’ I’m like ‘are you fucking mental? It’s NEVER OKAY TO SCREW YOUR FRIENDS EX. LIKE EVER!!!!!!!) Dirty festering cunt!!!! I’m this close to calling up her soon to be hubby (oh yes, she’s getting MARRIED end of this month!!!) and letting him know his almost-wifey thinks it’s okay to get drunk and fuck half of Claremont behind his back. She’s got this whole ‘if he doesn’t catch me, it doesn’t count’ mentality. We’ll here’s hoping she catches fuckin syphallis!!!
OK, rage fit over..
Of course I’ve totally removed the bitch from my cell and now won’t be going to her wedding. (Although it’s tempting to rock up at the church just so I can stand up and scream ‘you fucking dirty whore’ when the minister asks if anyone in the audience has any issues with these two being united in blah blah blah..) But anywayz.. not going has some great benefits. Like I don’t have to buy her an expensive wedding gift anymore or mission to find a dress in my cupboard that isn’t too clubby or slutty. I also get to keep her hens tea gift!!!
Bitches, meet the Advanced Clitoral pump! Fuck me (we’ll I suppose I AM doing that..) it’s awesome!
I vant to suuuck your cunt!!!
I bought this from Passionfruit (naturally, I get a discount..)
See this sucker? (Ha!) It’s sooo the bizznizz.You hitch it to your clit, pump the handy handle and BAM, he’s clamped onto your love button, pulling all the blood into it to get you as horny as all hell in seconds! It also doesn’t just suck, it VIBRATES too and has three different settings. Of course I like to set it to the fastest speed it can go. It juices up my pussy in seconds, making it easy to slide a dildo, your fingers or whatever you like into your wet, pulsating pussy!
That fucking cunt might have shagged my ex, but now I’m getting up to FOUR (count em bitches, FOUR!!!) orgasms a night. So who’s having the last laugh now? Ha!!!
xoxox
A little truce
Ok, ok, so I went a bit crazy… but I’m over it now. And we’ve even made up. ;-) (Still won’t trust her near anyone I’m keeping on my list of ‘people I’d like to fuck again at some stage’, but ja.. for now we’re mates).
I even went to her batcherlorette bash, but obvs had to give her another pressie. She’s already had enough of my va-jay-jay juice thanks to shagging K.. there’s no need for her to OD on it with a used clit sucker..
This is what I got her:
Clitoisex. Crap name, but it works like a bitch on heat.
Clitorisex!
Having to get two gifts kinda nailed my wallet, so I like that this is just under two hundred bucks. And it works like a bomb! You just massage it into your clit and vag lips and it immediately starts to tingle. Love how it makes your pussy juice up double time fast – just perfect for quickies in parking lots and stuff. It’s also safe to use with condoms, not like other lubes that will disintergrate your rubber to bits.
So ja.. here’s hoping she has a good time with it – just not with any of my exes! That’s just not cool!
xoxox